I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
