Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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