So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
