Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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