And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
