What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
