you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
