I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
