I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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