He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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