His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
