He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
