A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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