DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
