New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
