I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
