butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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