What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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