My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
