We named our party play list daddy issues
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My cat gives me a boner
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
