let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
