Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
