So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
