6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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