I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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