It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
