my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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