I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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