my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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