he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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