When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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