i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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