he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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