Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just had sex bonerless
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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