hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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