I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
