I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
