got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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