I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
