Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
