so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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