They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
