i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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