apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
