Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
