bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
