I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
