and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
