OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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