No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
God, I missed his penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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