i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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