i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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