you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
